In my online talk last week to members of the SCMA worldwide, one of the principles that I spoke about was, ‘Empathetic communication’ i.e. listening to understand in order to be understood.

I argued that, ‘The only way to get someone to do something is to make the other person want to do it.’

When dealing with people as opposed to machines, you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Instead of condemning them you need to understand why they have behaved as they have.

So, you must put yourself in their shoes in order to see things as they do, i.e. you need to listen to them with empathy.

When you listen to a person with empathy, you give them ‘psychological oxygen’.

By affirming their vital psychological need for understanding and acknowledgment, you can then move forward, by becoming partners in jointly solving a shared problem. This I believe is true whatever the cultural differences are between those involved, i.e. having your voice heard, and being treated with respect, are universal negotiation ‘deal-openers’ that transcend any culture.

When you listen with empathy you also open yourself up to being influenced.

‘Being open to influence is the key to influencing others.’

Now as Michael Caine might say – ‘Not many people know that!’

The 60 minute  talk was recorded on Zoom and I have received permission to post it on my forthcoming YouTube Channel – ‘Conflict Negotiation & Mediation’, once I have received the link.

I am aiming to launch the Channel on or before 20 November.

As far as I am aware it will be the first YouTube Channel of its type, exclusively in the genre of teaching conflict resolution, negotiation (i.e. Mediation Advocacy) & Mediation skills to students, academics, and practitioners worldwide. So, watch this space!