· This is a waste of time, because you cannot win an argument in Mediation as the process is not a trial.
· Arguments lead to further entrenchment of positions.
· Mediation advocacy requires the establishment of personal rapport with people you disagree with and reasoning with them to persuade them that they should see what is in dispute as your lay client does, and that their interests coincide with those of your lay client.
· Therefore, the outcome of the process depends to an extent upon whether your mediation advocate [‘MA.1’] is possessed of the inter-personal skills to initiate/develop a rapport with the other mediation advocate [‘MA.2] and their lay client [‘P.2].
· Respect engenders trust.
· So, avoid the acute angle.
· Never tell MA.2/P.2 that they are wrong.
· A misunderstanding is never ended by an argument, but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s point of view. In other words, MA./P.1 cannot get MA.2/P.2 to agree by telling them that they are wrong.
· This will have the opposite effect, because MA.1/P.1 will thereby have insulted the intelligence, pride, ego and self-esteem of MA.2/P.2.
· That, it is counterproductive.
· Always allow your opponent to save face!
· Never place your opponent in the wrong.
· If you give someone a fine reputation to live up to, it is possible that they may try not to disappoint you.
· So treat people gently, with honesty, respect and sincerity, as they may reciprocate.
· Always make MA.2/P.2 feel happy about doing what you suggest.
· Do not back them into a corner.
· Instead, try to win them over gently and tactfully to your way of thinking.
· If you are going to prove anything, do not let them know it.
· Be subtle and adroit, so that nobody feels that they have been manipulated.
· Instead of trying to prove, try to find the facts, i.e. be forensic.
· Be aware that:
(a) People continue to believe what they have become accustomed to accepting as true.
(b) The resentment aroused when doubt is cast on their assumptions leads them to seek a justification for carrying on with those beliefs.
(c) Their reasoning becomes finding arguments for adhering to their beliefs. So, refrain from direct contradiction of the sentiments of others and from positive assertion of your own.
(d) Instead of contradicting MA.2/P.2, show some absurdity in a proposition, i.e. distinguish it in the present situation from the situation in which it would logically be correct.
(e) Propose your opinions in a modest way.
(f) This leads to increased receptivity and decreased contradiction.