Over the next 3 weeks I am completing my reading of books about negotiation which I have collected over the last 4 years. 4 more to go – books I mean!

I also have a handbook of my own, that I wrote & which accompanied me overseas when I was an itinerant in-house negotiator working for Rolls Royce & Alstom in Paris.

I glance at this from time to time & today was reminded of the
following insight which I noted down in the handbook in 1996 –

‘The only way to get someone to do something is to make the other person want to do it.

So:

1. See things from your opponent’s angle.
2. Understand their point of view.
3. Ask yourself – ‘How can I make this person want to enter my ‘deal-making zone?’

In other words, ‘bait the hook to suit the fish!’

This requires rigorous preparation, charm, subtlety, patience, trust & flexibility.

What you are in effect doing, is manipulating your opponent without him realising it, i.e. because he thinks your proposal was his idea.

So, the 1st key skill in mediation advocacy is ‘listening’!

I am going offline at the end of this week for 2 months to complete work on the 2nd ed of the Contentious Probate Handbook which is currently in a 6-8 period of editorial review. I am also preparing notes for a talk I am giving online at 4pm GMT on Thursday 24 October 2024 to the SCMA worldwide about ‘Mediation Advocacy in Trust & Estate Disputes.’

Time permitting in July & August I will post further short extracts from my handwritten ‘Negotiation Handbook’.

I like to think of this as being both a trusted old friend & a book of ‘secret’ techniques for negotiators. However the more I read, the more I discover that these techinques are based upon ancient wisdom – including of course the strategies of Sun Tzu. So – there is nothing new under the ‘Sun’!